Managing the Mental Load in Motherhood
There is no question that Motherhood is busy. Packing the lunches, folding the laundry, making dinner, reading the bedtime stories - this is the visible work of motherhood.
But there is also the invisible work. The mental checklist running in the background at all times: the tracking of appointments, school emails, inventory of groceries and household items, shoe sizes, birthday gifts, whether everyone has clean clothes for tomorrow, and even managing the emotional tone of the home. This is the mental load, and for many moms this is the biggest source of stress.
It’s not just about doing more. It’s about remembering more, anticipating more, holding more. And when you are the default holder of it all, it can feel like your nervous system is never fully able to relax.
Overtime, carrying the mental load alone can lead to irritability, resentment, anxiety, or shutdown. Not because you are failing, but because your nervous system is overloaded.
Three Simple Steps to Manage the Mental Load
Name it
Many moms struggle silently. Simply acknowledging and saying “I feel like I’m carrying the mental load right now” creates clarity. You aren’t just struggling because you are a “bad mom” or “not cut out for this”. You are struggling because you are carrying a lot, and it is hard! Naming it reduces shame and invites self compassion.Make the invisible visible
Sit down and list everything it takes to run your family. Not just chores, but also the invisible items: booking appointments, communication with school/daycare, monitoring when it is time to size up in clothes/shoes/diapers (and knowing what size!) etc. Seeing it on paper makes it easier to balance it out and better understand who is carrying what.
Redistribute the load
This isn’t just about asking for “help”. This is about fully passing ownership of some tasks onto your partner (or someone else) so it is no longer your job - physically or mentally. It doesn’t have to be 50/50 “equal”, but it should feel “fair”. You each know what tasks you “own” from planning to completion.
You Are Not Meant to Carry it All
Somewhere along the way, many women internalized the message that we should be capable, grateful, emotionally attuned, organized, and calm all at once. That we should be able to manage the full time responsibilities of caring for the children, the home, and maybe even a career outside the home as well, all while making it look effortless and enjoying every moment. But this is not realistic. Motherhood was never meant to be done solo. It is meant to be a shared experience, with community and support.
If you are feeling stretched too thin, it doesn’t mean you are doing it wrong. It might simply mean you’ve been carrying too much for too long.
You Don’t Have to Do it All Alone - Therapy Can Help
As a therapist who works primarily with women - especially those navigating anxiety and overwhelm in motherhood - I see how heavy this invisible load can become. So many of the women I see are thoughtful, capable, loving - and completely exhausted from holding it all together.
Therapy can be a space where you don’t have to hold it all together. It’s a place to open up about your experience without shame or judgement, reconnect to your needs, regulate your nervous system, and build more sustainable patterns in your relationships.
If this resonates with you, I’d love to support you. I provide virtual therapy to women and moms throughout British Columbia. You can learn more or book a consultation through my website. You don’t have to keep carrying it all alone.